Conflict – What went wrong and what should you do?
A, B, D and you have been working in a team to plan for an event for the members of your CCA since the summer vacation. The team has decided that having an “Ice Kachang”-themed party is the best. It was decided that B is to be the leader for this event while the rest are to be delegated work by him. The team appeared to be enthusiastic about the idea and you felt that it will work out fine.
However, after one month since the first meeting, B has not gave a single instruction or call for another meeting. You’ve tried calling A and D to seek their opinion. D replied that the semester is starting and she cannot be bothered about it anymore. She also said that whatever happened is not her concern as it is her final year in University and that she joined the CCA just to get the privileges. You’ve have heard of this mentality from other seniors who described D as a self-serving person.
A shared your anxiety and the both of you started to source for the Ice Shaver machines and suppliers of the ingredients by yourselves. You have informed B about it but B remains silent about the event. During this period of time, D called and asked about the progress. She laughed and remarked that it is stupid and a waste of energy to be working so hard.
You met A after two weeks and discussed about the findings. During the discussion, A pointed out that you have spelled “Ice Kachang” wrongly. She said that it is of a Malay origin and thus should be spelled as “Ice Kacang” without the “H” as in the Malay word for “beans”. You told her that the spelling doesn’t matter since everyone can understand. Furthermore, you told that should it be in the Malay form, it would be “Ais Kacang”. You went on to say, “Kachang” is a borrowed word and that in English pronunciation, it is appropriate to include the “H” simply because it reads correctly to the Malay pronunciation.
A became very irritated and said that she came from Malaysia and that it is spelled as “Kacang” there. You reminded her again that it doesn’t matter if everybody understands what it refers to. You carried on to say that in Singapore, either it is in the English form of “Ice Kachang”, or in the Malay form of “Ais Kacang” and that “Ice Kacang” is also seen because of the mixing of languages and culture.
A took great offend as she is majoring in Chinese Studies and she considers herself learned in language forms and how they changed. She remark that since you don’t want to learn (concede), she has no dealings with you and left after the heated exchange of words.
Personally, you have check with your friends who majors in English Language and also a Lecturer at CELC beforehand as you have noticed the differences in spelling. You did not mention this to A during the discussion because you do not want to show yourself as “right” and force A to accept it. However, A simply did not listen to reasons and left before you can pacify her.
You then called B who reprimanded you. He said that he already has everything planned and worked out but just need the rest of the members to execute whatever he tells them to. You pressed B for details but he cannot provide any. You feel that your entire time has been wasted.
What are the problems with the team, the problem with the team members and the problems with the actions you have taken? What should be the course of your actions from now?
ES2007S 
Eileen said,
September 3, 2009 at 12:36 AM
Hi Wei Hong
I think there are three issues here.
You mentioned that B was chosen by the group. Hence, it is possible that B might not be completely comfortable with leading the team, but was pressured into it. Leaders have to bear huge responsibilities and B might not think he is ready for the role or he may be laden by his other commitments. He also might not know how to express his opinions effectively. As such, B did not give any instruction after the meeting and only responded after several calls from you. In addition, he could not provide details for the plan and blamed you for not respecting his leader position. The problem here could be B is an irresponsible person, otherwise, he could be someone that does not express himself well. B may not have effectively communicated his intention across to the team, thinking that he should work out every detail himself and only delegate the work there after. A possible solution could be apologising to B that your intention was to try to get things done and not because you do not respect him. In addition, you could also explain the situation to him and arranged for another meeting so that the group can be assigned with jobs. B could also voice out his opinion if he had not wanted to be a leader. B should also learn to update the team of his progress in terms of the planning even before everything is finalised.
The second issue is D’s attitude towards the event. There could be some prejudice between you and D because you have heard about D’s bad attitude in the past from others. However, D could be stressed and busy with school work and could not afford time for the event. D could also be someone that is very direct in his speech and offended people unknowingly. This is reflected when he called and asked about the progress but laughed at you of being stupid. A possible solution is to talk to D personally and tell him how sad/unhappy you felt after you heard what he said. This could solve the problem especially if D himself didn’t know his words had offended others. In addition, you should not let prejudice affect your judgement and try to understand D’s attitude from his perspective.
The third issue is the quarrel between you and A. The quarrel might have arisen due to misunderstanding. Your body language could have offended A and made A feel that you are belittle him. A possible solution to it is to apologise sincerely to A and talked to him about it. You could also explain both of you have different points of view and try to explain that the lecturer had mentioned that this words can also be used. Or a compromise can be worked out, maybe there could be a tagline in the event detail stating both spelling.
Tan Wei Hong said,
September 3, 2009 at 1:02 AM
Hi Eileen,
First to all who read this post, please write as if you are the person in the scenarios, that is to answer with a “I” perspective.
I think that the possibility of B being uncomfortable to lead is there, however, it should not lead to a scenario where B cannot reply when you contacted him that You and A are going to go ahead with the planning first. The silence may have meant consent.
The conflict between You and B may be that he blames you for upsetting A. It is unlikely that B is angry over the fact that you and A has started the planning because you have told him that you will be doing that and you are only calling him half a month after that again. Furthermore, A cannot provide any details for the event although he claims to have it all done. You suspect that your time has been wasted.
for you second point, at the point in time when you called D, it was still vacation, it was only nearing the start of the semester. Also, the fact that she claims that all she wanted was the previledges and not the work associated with the CCA. and since she dont require the previledges or had enough, she will not bother with it anymore.
Thirdly, A considered herself learned and assumes that mentality of “i know it, you don’t”. You were talking about the practicality of the usage while A is harped on the technical aspect of the term, not the use. A thinks that you are arrogant to lecture her about the words and how words changed or are borrowed since she thinks she knows it from what she has studied. She is wrong about her argument outright but you did not point it out. She wanted you to “learn” that is to acknowledge that she is “right”. But there is nothing to be “right” about since you are not against using any of the spellings but just telling her that it is okay to use other spellings.
I would like the comments to be about what was wrong with the team itself as a whole, with the members and also what can be done from that point on. Not what could have been done when the scenario unfolds.
Nevertheless, thank you Eileen for pointing out the possible feelings that B might have. However, i would have to disagree about D. there is no conflict with D because you simply have no dealings with her after she said she wanted none with the team. However, if you see that the “no commitment” from D is a conflict, how can you turn the situation around? Also, was A justified in her actions and arguements? was it about pride? arrogance? or perhaps you didnt explain it clearly enough?